Lately, I feel as though im slipping away from you. I tried to explain why and apparently it doesn’t make sense to you. I cant help that you dont get it, I just wish you would try to see it, too.
I dont ask for much, I may ask for a kiss or two a day. Maybe I like to hear I love you. That doesn’t mean that I need you every single minute of every single day like you assume - which really bothers me - but it means that I do like affection every now and again…. which SHOULDNT (but always does) make me the bad guy.
I really cant handle all the assumptions, always assuming im going to be mad or angry or disappointed. Im not a bitch, and im not controlling…. and you make me out like I am and that hurts me. I dont know what I have to do for you to see that…
Ive said it before many times… That even though I love you with all of my heart, I would rather let you go and see you happy… Then see you stuck with me. I dont feel like you enjoy spending time with me anymore, or that you even so much as like having me around… and thats not something that your girlfriend wants to feel like.
I cant imagine my life without you now.. We hit it off right from the beginning and ive loved you more every day since then. I just cant see it working things out this time - not if we cant bend for each other… Thats not how a relationship works in my eyes. And sitting here jsut thinking of not having you tomorrow or the next day or the days after that, I could throw up. My eyes hurt from crying so much over those thoughts. My guts are twirling. BUT I would still rather your happiness to mine anyday, because I can honestly say that you do make me happy. Im happier now than I have ever been in my life. You taught me so much about myself, how to love not only someone else but to love myself. You’ve made me a stronger and better person. You fill my darkest days with smiles and sunshine, but I dont feel like I do that to you.
I know that you dont have the same emotions as a woman has, your heart isnt half as fragile. I dont expect that of you. I just need the one that I say I love to be able to talk to me about things and stop assuming im angry… It just makes me feel like - am I not good enough to talk to?
Who knows that tonight will bring.. I just hope it doesn’t bring anymore tears because im exhausting with the crying. Blahhhhhh…..